I always new being a mother would change me... I just didn't know how much.
Maybe it's that I haven't lived near friends or family for over two years or the maybe a combination of that and becoming a mother at the same time. I don't know but I do know that it feels like I have lost me. Not necessarily in a bad way but some days it is hard to find me. I can see "mom", the person Garvon and William see. I know how to be that person but I feel I have lost the person that is Thomas' wife and the person I was/am.
I wonder if this feeling will change once my boys aren't so little, when I finally get more then 3 hours sleep at a time or when my hormones finally calm down again. Or if it is just another part of my journey here on this earth.
We have recently started getting back into going to church. I am happy and apprehensive about this. I have not had to make new friends in so many years I am not sure I remember how. Also I am not sure who I am so I feel fake when talking to people.
I haven't really been around my friends since becoming married and now having two children so I don't know how to relate to them really. You change yet you stay the same when you become a mom. But I dont' live close to them so in some ways all the changes in my life don't feel real to me. Does that statement even make sense? I don't know.
I guess all I really know is that at the end of the day I may be tired, confused, and feel some what isolated but I am happy. Truly happy. I just need to find my sea legs:)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Life
Dear Somebody,
I was inspired to start this blog by reading a friends blog. I thought it has been so long since I actually sat down and thought. I am a mother soon to be of two little boys. So most of my time and energy is gladly put into that. I am also married to my best friend and the most wonderful man in the world, so the left over energy goes to him. Though sadly most days there isn't much left.
I am reminded as I read the words "dear somebody" that to some that can sound like a cry for help or attention. That is not how i mean it. When I was little I kept a diary/journal and I always thought it was stupid to write dear diary, and I didn't want to write to nothing so that is what I would write. My mom found it one day and thought she had the right to read it. It broke her heart that I wrote to a somebody. She did not understand it wasn't anything sad it just was.
Was going to write more. Out of time now. Guess I will write more later.
goodbye for now internet
I was inspired to start this blog by reading a friends blog. I thought it has been so long since I actually sat down and thought. I am a mother soon to be of two little boys. So most of my time and energy is gladly put into that. I am also married to my best friend and the most wonderful man in the world, so the left over energy goes to him. Though sadly most days there isn't much left.
I am reminded as I read the words "dear somebody" that to some that can sound like a cry for help or attention. That is not how i mean it. When I was little I kept a diary/journal and I always thought it was stupid to write dear diary, and I didn't want to write to nothing so that is what I would write. My mom found it one day and thought she had the right to read it. It broke her heart that I wrote to a somebody. She did not understand it wasn't anything sad it just was.
Was going to write more. Out of time now. Guess I will write more later.
goodbye for now internet
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